Divorce Mediation in Chicago
The Healthier and Less Costly Alternative to Lawyer-Led Divorces
Divorce is emotionally draining. After seeing how lawyer-led divorce hurts children, I've dedicated my career to helping families divorce in a healthier way.
Hi, I'm Michael Cohen from Lake Forest, and with 34 years of experience bringing people together in difficult situations in Chicago, I understand the fear and confusion that come with ending a marriage.
I'm here to tell you - there's hope.
Michael Cohen - Chicago's Divorce Mediator Who Cares About You & Your Family
Divorce mediation offers an empowering approach to ending your marriage while protecting your children, assets, and future relationship with your current spouse and future co-parent.
This comprehensive guide covers everything about a mediated divorce, including the process and its benefits over a lawyer-led or courtroom-litigated divorce. You'll read real-life stories from couples I've helped divorce amicably with passion, sensitivity, and care.
I can get you through this transition as smoothly as possible in the healthiest way for you and your family.
Table of Contents
- Divorce Mediation Defined: What Exactly Is It?
- The Selection and Role of a Mediator for Divorce
- The Mediation Process for Divorce in Chicago
- What Real-Life Issues Can Mediation Help Resolve?
- Why is Mediation Often the Smarter Route?
- Mediated Divorce Costs in Chicago
- Legal Considerations
- Confidentiality and Privacy
- Mindset and Realistic Expectations
- Preparation for Mediation
- Online Divorce Mediation in Chicago
- Mediation Laws in Illinois
- Emotional and Communication Aspects
- Outcomes and Post-Mediation Steps
- Special Considerations and Misconceptions
1. Divorce Mediation Defined
What Exactly Is It?
Mediation is an amicable, non-litigated option for ending a marriage through open communication and compromise.
You and your current spouse voluntarily meet with a professionally-trained, neutral third party known as a divorce mediator to find solutions about important matters about child custody and parenting principles, assets, debts and property, child support, spousal support (alimony), and everything else that requires decisions prior to divorce.
Mediators help couples communicate, listen, and compromise effectively to reach equitable solutions that both parties can agree on. It's a healthy conversation, but through an impartial 3rd party who promotes healthy discussion and everyone being heard. It's about finding a fair compromise, not winning or losing. This helps, especially when you need to maintain a friendly atmosphere for the children or for your own well-being.
Mediation promotes collaboration and avoids the negativity and high costs of litigation. You have full control over shaping agreements that protect your family's future. That's why more couples are choosing this peaceful path.
2. The Selection and Role of a Mediator for Divorce
Though mediators mean neutral guides, their approaches and personalities vary greatly. You want someone who'll help you both get to the heart of what really matters without all the heat and noise that usually come with a breakup.
Instead of acting as a decision-maker, a mediator creates a safe space for you and your spouse to communicate openly and find resolution. They're all about making sure the process is transparent, balanced, and respectful. No hidden agendas, no favoritism. They validate feelings and keep conversations focused on practical priorities. If talks become heated or reach an impasse, they diplomatically and creatively search for solutions.
The mediator helps you identify where compromise may benefit both parties.
When choosing a neutral guide, look for someone with emotional intelligence, active listening skills, financial skills, experience facilitating authentic dialogue, and who is a good fit for both of your styles.
Empathy, passion, creativity, ability to find "win-wins," and insight are critical. With one well-timed question, a mediator can shift discussions from destructive to constructive.
Divorce severs legal ties, but lives remain intertwined when you both have children together. A mediator will coach and help you both design parenting plans and practice skills that provide a foundation for a healthy co-parenting relationship, which is the greatest gift you can give to your children.
Mediation Example:
As a professional mediator, I guide couples through divorce, but sometimes it leads to reconciliation. This happened to Meredith and her husband from Vernon Hills.
When they first came to me, Meredith and her husband initially wanted a divorce. As we explored their situation, I realized their story might not be over. I made sure they felt heard, both together and individually, in a space where no judgment was passed. Creating a non-judgmental environment is crucial for effective communication in my work.
Despite mis-communication and un-addressed issues, there was still a connection between them. I aim to explore all possibilities, rather than just mediating a separation, in such situations. They needed guidance for mutual understanding and healing.
I connected them with a couples therapist in Mundelein who I believed was a good fit for them and who could help them. This step was important. It was about finding the right fit to help them untangle the complexities of their relationship, not just handing them off to another professional.
Their progress in the following months was remarkable. They achieved more in therapy than in 3 years of trying with 3 other couples counselors in Libertyville, Lake Zurich, and Arlington Heights who couldn't connect with their unique situation.
My Role?
As a divorce mediator in Northern Chicago, I aim to do more than facilitate agreements.
I aim to be a catalyst for positive change by helping people separate peacefully, offering advice before deciding on divorce, or facilitating reconciliation and new beginnings, like with Meredith and her husband.
Their testimonial shows that healing a relationship begins with a professional who listens to them and understands their priorities and needs.
3. The Mediation Process for Divorce in Chicago
How Does Mediation Work?
Unlike the inefficient, expensive, and stressful back-and-forth legal process of traditional lawyer-led or litigated divorce, mediation moves through four clear phases.
1. Introduction
First comes the introduction session, where I’ll learn about your specific situation and we'll talk about each of your priorities and concerns. If mediation feels like the right fit, I will explain how the process works and what you can expect. It's all about getting everyone on the same page for the discussions ahead.
2. Information Gathering
Next, we start to gather information about the marital home, parenting needs for the children and parenting opportunities for the spouses, and a listing of all assets, debts, and property.
I'll then ask questions and listen to better understand all the facts and feelings that need to be considered before guiding you both to make all of your decisions together. This facilitates open communication and compromise to find fair and workable solutions, rather than forcing settlement terms.
3. Mediation
With core interests flagged, we'll then enter the mediation phase, where proposals and counter-proposals are exchanged, looking for solutions that feel fair to both of you. In many cases, couples start to work together to create the best solutions without having to negotiate with the others’ views.
I prioritize thoughtful discussions and make sure both sides are heard while keeping the best interests of the children in mind during parenting plan talks.
Typically, compromise is reached in 4-12 sessions, depending on whether children are involved, resulting in complete agreements that cover all aspects of your new life paths.
During this phase, nothing is binding or final, and we will adjust as needed while we proceed through the process. These are big decisions, and I like you to have time to sleep on them and to be able to come back and tweak them as needed for your family.
4. Memorandum Of Understanding
We finalize all agreements reached in a “Memorandum Of Understanding” (“MOU”). The MOU will be reviewed by a divorce lawyer who will draft your final documents for court, and then reviewed and approved by a family law judge before your divorce is finalized.
And The Best Part?
Our work can continue beyond the last signature. I'm always here as your guide to support you during the transition and any co-parenting issues that arise post-divorce.
4. What Real-Life Issues Can Mediation Help Resolve?
No two marriages or divorces look alike. But after 34 years of actively listening, I’ve found most face similar challenges when moving forward after a breakup.
Let’s break down the key issues mediation mediators help solve fairly and affordably:
✓ Parenting Principles and Schedules
Creating parenting principles, deciding how to share time with the children, and how you'll co-parent. It's all about what's best for your children. I've seen plenty of creative shared custody options. I’ll help you both create a schedule that is best for your children while being supportive of both of your roles as parents, so we can make sure your children have good relationships with both of you.
✓ Division of Financial Assets, Debts and Property
Who gets what?
From the house to the investment accounts to that favorite car, mediation helps you divide your shared assets and debts fairly, respecting both your needs and intentions.
Having earned my CPA, I have a strong financial background that many mediators lack. I can help you understand the financial implications of your decisions. We can even develop creative financial solutions to create the best living options for your children and yourselves.
✓ Spousal Support (Alimony) Considerations
Whether short-term transitional support or longer-term alimony, mediation sets the stage for transparent conversations about need, ability to pay, and how to transition income differences during this adjustment phase. It's a tricky area, but we can review provisional budgets to reality test the numbers from both perspectives, helping find a fair solution for yourselves and your children.
✓ Child Support
This supports the childrens’ basic needs financially until they emancipate. It's about ensuring their well-being and covering their daily expenses according to your state’s calculations and your childrens’ needs.
5. Why is Mediation Often the Smarter Route?
Mediator or Divorce Attorney?
If you're unsure about mediation, let me explain why so many couples I've worked with prefer it over going to court.
Consider these prime advantages:
+ Increased Decision-Making Power
This is huge, and it allows you to leave your marriage with far less baggage that often comes with a litigated divorce. You and your spouse will compromise, align directly, and make your own decisions about every aspect of your divorce.
You're not leaving your fate in the hands of a judge who doesn't know you or your family. It results in better outcomes, more control, and a greater degree of ownership over the process, which minimizes the stress that usually accompanies a litigated divorce.
+ Greater Privacy and Less Emotional Trauma
Unlike divorce trials, where sensitive details are aired publicly in open court, mediation conversations are done in private, stay confidential, and are protected by legal privilege. There’s no drama, no cross-examinations, just focused dialogue for solutions moving forward.
+ Lower Expenses, Time and Stress
On average, a mediated divorce costs less than $7,500 total, while litigated divorces often cost $20,000 - $100,000 each. A mediator wants you to retain your marital assets for your children and your new lives, not give them away to lawyers.
Avoiding lengthy hearings and trials also prevents lost income from work disruptions.
Speedier settlements also mitigate the negative impact on children because they are not “stuck in the middle” of a contentious process for an extended period of time.
+ Best Option For Childrens’ Mental Health and Development
It's a win for the children when parents resolve issues amicably. This makes children less likely to feel like they're in the middle of or the cause of parental conflict, which is good for their emotional well-being.
Plus, mediation sets the stage for a healthier co-parenting relationship. You learn to communicate and collaborate, which is important when you're raising children together post-divorce.
6. Mediated Divorce Costs in Chicago
Significantly Less Costly Than A Lawyer-Led Divorce - NO RETAINER…
Uncoupling is costly due to setting up separate households and dividing assets like properties, savings and investments, and retirement accounts.
Legal paperwork and courtroom motions are expensive. Your marital assets are yours; don’t spend them on lawyers when your marital assets are better used for each of you as you start your new lives or for your childrens’ college educations.
Mediation can save you a college education!
How Much Do Mediators Cost?
Unlike lawyers, mediators generally do not charge a retainer and only charge an hourly rate that is usually around $250 per hour.
I cap fees for my services at $5,000 total, allowing couples to take their time, ask questions, and make the best decisions while knowing the maximum cost of my services.
After reaching agreements, you'll likely pay an additional $2,500 to have an attorney review your agreement, draft your final divorce papers, and schedule a hearing with a family law judge who will approve your divorce. In most cases, you will only make one court appearance to have your divorce approved.
How Long Does A Mediation Take?
If you have children, a typical mediation requires 12 sessions; if you do not have children, a typical mediation requires 4 sessions. These sessions can be completed in 2-3 months.
Of course, this varies, but remember, your fees are capped. When you litigate your divorce in Chicago, it will take 1-2 years, or 18 months on average, and will cost 10 times more than what you will spend for a healthier, mediated divorce.
7. Legal Considerations
One divorce mediation myth is that settlements reached aren't "official," like court-ordered rulings
Let me set the record straight:
The mediated solution, once approved by a judge, becomes legally enforceable. However, a lawyer will review it first to make sure that it complies with the rules in your county before a judge reviews it.
Why Review It With A Lawyer First?
A lawyer will scrutinize the agreement to ensure that it meets the standards set in your county. In Illinois, they need to make sure that no decisions are "unconscionable." That standard provides a lot of latitude for couples to create creative solutions that support their family the best.
Your lawyer will also complete any necessary court paperwork. Judges rarely overturn mediated agreements, but following court protocol removes all doubt.
And unlike emotionally draining courtroom divorce, where attorneys dominate, mediation keeps their involvement minimal, saving significant expense. With an experienced and empathetic mediator at your side, building consensus at every step, expensive lawyering is rarely needed.
In essence, the legal aspect of mediation entails getting a judge to approve the agreement you both came up with so that you can both proceed in the manner you both intend to.
8. Confidentiality and Privacy
Mediation conversations are private, unlike courtroom proceedings, where everything can go on the public record.
Confidentiality laws require that discussions remain strictly between you, your spouse, and the mediator. Exceptions include threats of danger or abuse or legal duties to report. But for the most part, your disclosures remain privileged, i.e., your business is your business.
In this safe space, you can speak openly without fear of anything being recorded or heard by the wrong people.
Mediation is a discreet, respectful way to handle one of life's toughest transitions.
9. Mindset and Realistic Expectations
Is A Mediated Divorce Right For You?
In guiding couples through mediated divorces, I've developed a strong sense for when success can come smoothly and where mediation can be successful, and I’m upfront during our initial consultation about whether I think we can work effectively.
Mediation is not for everyone. You have to be able to share, listen, compromise, and be transparent. Even if you think you can’t, you’d be surprised at how well you both can do so when you introduce an unbiased, neutral facilitator (your mediator).
However, mediation may not be a good idea if there's a history of abuse, deep mistrust, or if one partner refuses to hear the other's point of view.
That said, there is minimal cost to trying mediation, and it’s the least costly and best process, so I always encourage couples to at least give it a try. If it isn’t working, you can stop at any time. To date, however, I have never had a couple not complete their entire divorce through mediation, because it works.
Common Challenges
∘ Unwillingness to Compromise
Mediation requires compromise on both sides. Once you start to compromise, you’ll find that both spouses start to work well toward the middle, often checking in with each other to make sure they’re both comfortable with decisions reached.
∘ Negotiating in Good Faith
Both parties need to be honest and open. If someone's hiding assets or not telling the whole truth, it's like trying to navigate through fog – you're not going to get very far. In these instances, we can bring in other professionals, or you may have to hire a lawyer.
Future-Focused Perspective
Therapy looks backward. Mediation looks forward.
Mediation recognizes that you are looking to divorce, and our goal is to help you each make decisions that help you both move forward in the healthiest way possible.
Intense emotions and frustration can arise, even for the most agreeable couples. Identifying triggers for unhealthy patterns helps prevent escalation. I've helped couples by reminding them that we are not looking backward but forward and taking breaks before calmly restarting conversations. I maintain productive momentum if discussions regress.
Couples who focus on the future rather than the past benefit most from mediation's compassionate structure.
10. Preparation for Mediation
Your mediator will inform you before each session how to prepare so the sessions are productive and efficient.
Financials
Each state has their own financial affidavit, which both couples will need to complete and provide sufficient background information like tax returns, pay stubs, etc.
Don't be intimidated by assembling paperwork, even if you weren't in charge of managing the finances. Your mediator will guide you.
Marital Home
If you own a marital home together, we will need to obtain a current appraisal and discuss various options for how to share any equity. If one of you wants to keep the home, we’ll help you understand if you can afford it on your own.
Understanding Core Interests
Before diving in, we’ll take a step back and think about what you really want out of this to ensure you're going the right way:
- What are your non-negotiables?
- What are you flexible about?
Identifying Settlement Options
This is where you start mapping out your ideal outcomes. Mediation translates initial starting points into legally binding parenting terms, child and spousal support agreements, and property division specifics that both parties approve.
Additionally, lawyers are welcome to participate in this process, and importantly, the final agreement reached in mediation will always be reviewed by a divorce lawyer and a judge to ensure its legality and fairness.
✓ That’s precisely how mediation works - Collaboratively exploring proposals and counterproposals leads to fair solutions if both parties are open to understanding and compromise. A skilled mediator is in charge of these discussions and assists you both in reaching decisions that you both value.
11. Online Divorce Mediation in Chicago
Thanks to technology, online video sessions offer increased control and privacy. We meet via secure video conference calls. No commuting or waiting in awkward office encounters. Simply log on from anywhere with your internet-enabled device to start a mediation session in the privacy of your home.
If you prefer to meet in person, we can do that too. My office is in Lake Forest, perfectly positioned to serve those in the suburban area of Grayslake, Crystal Lake, Schaumburg, Arlington Heights, Morton Grove, and the nearby neighborhoods of Mundelein, Libertyville, Vernon Hills, Lake Zurich, and Highland Park. Rest assured, my services are well within reach to address your needs.
12. Mediation Laws in Illinois
In Illinois, the approach to divorce mediation is nuanced, balancing both mandatory and voluntary aspects, especially when children are involved.
When Mediation is Required
Illinois law mandates mediation for divorcing parents who haven't agreed on a parenting plan or are struggling with changes or enforcement of an existing plan. However, mediation for economic issues, like property division and alimony, is at the court's discretion.
Voluntary Mediation
Parties can opt for mediation voluntarily at any stage, even before filing for divorce. This flexibility allows couples to explore amicable settlement options independently.
13. Emotional and Communication Aspects
Without question, uncoupling stirs up intense emotions, even in amicable circumstances. With the right approach, one can make it through the intense and often messy situation. Let's explore how mediation helps:
✓ Venting Emotions Productively
Mediation provides a non-judgmental space to express your feelings without fear of judgment or escalation. It's a constructive way to communicate in a controlled environment. I guide the process, acknowledging and addressing underlying emotions without derailing discussions.
✓ Managing Stress
Divorce is one of life's most stressful experiences. Mediation reduces stress by promoting cooperation. Breaks, a comfortable pace, and a solution-focused approach that always follows a north star rather than blame help keep stress levels in check.
✓ Effective Communication Techniques
Mediation involves improving communication skills. Active listening, clear expression without aggression, and understanding the other person's perspective are important. It's about overcoming miscommunication and fostering understanding, even during emotional turmoil.
14. Outcomes and Post-Mediation Steps
What happens after a mediation settlement?
Crossing the finish line in divorce mediation is a big achievement that comes with its own set of steps to wrap things up properly. Let's look at what happens after mediation:
After Mediation: Finalizing Agreement
1. Reviewing Agreement Draft
After reaching an agreement with the mediator's help, you will receive a Memorandum Of Understanding, which summarizes all decisions reached. It's important to be thorough.
2. Creating Your Divorce Papers
Next, formalize your divorce papers. A lawyer will help with this, and your lawyer will also schedule your hearing with a judge.
3. Filing with the Court
Finally, your agreement must be approved and filed with the court to be official. This step turns your agreement from a personal document into a legally binding one. It's the final stamp of approval on your mediated divorce journey.
How Successful is Mediation Compared to Litigation?
One of the big pluses of mediation is that it has higher rates of voluntary agreement. This means that both parties are more likely to stick to the agreement because they were actively involved in creating it. It's not just a judge's decision.
15. Special Considerations and Misconceptions
Understandably, unfamiliarity with mediation breeds skepticism. Allow me to demystify the myths and misunderstandings. My aim is to empower through education so you feel wholly supported in exploring this compassionate alternative.
Common Concerns
Mediator Qualifications
⤫ Mediators are often mistaken for non-lawyers.
Not true! I’m an astute mediator with over 34 years of experience bringing people together. I earned my CPA and mediation certification to understand and lead divorce mediation sessions.
I stay updated on divorce law, trauma, coping skills, child psychology, and conflict de-escalation communication tactics. You can trust me in vulnerable conversations.
Also, as already mentioned, you can invite a lawyer to a mediation session or even consult with a lawyer on a limited-scope basis as needed. A lawyer will also review your final agreement to make sure it meets the standards of your county.
Waiving Legal Rights in Court
⤫ Choosing mediation doesn't mean giving up the right to go to court.
No! Mediation is an alternative path. You can go to court if it doesn't work out. You can also take all agreements reached during mediation forward to your lawyers to save you substantial legal fees if, for some reason, you cannot complete the mediation journey.
Mediated agreements give you decision-making authority instead of relying on busy judges who prioritize efficiency over personalized care. Assuming positive attorney and judge review, agreements made during mediation have the same legal weight as those mandated through a litigated divorce process.
Confidentiality Parameters
⤫ Statements made in mediation may be used against you in court.
Not true! Mediation is confidential, and what's said there usually remains private. The only exception is ethical reporting requirements around threats of harm.
Finally, know that choosing mediation empowers you after a breakup because collaboration leads to faster resolutions. And with my guidance, post-divorce legal hearings are rarely necessary.
Conclusion
We've explored divorce mediation thoroughly. It has been quite a journey.
Let's summarize the key points:
- Mediated divorce can help you heal and grow through heartbreak because it's not just about ending a marriage but also about building a positive future through its flexible, empathetic, and practical approach.
- Mediation is the healthiest, quickest, least stressful, and least costly way to end a marriage.
- It benefits both spouses and their children by minimizing emotional baggage and promoting effective co-parenting.
- Partnering with a caring professional helps your family make all decisions outside of court and sets a good example for children.
So, consider giving it a chance – it might just be the path to a new beginning that you're looking for. There is no downside to trying mediation in an attempt to avoid the stress and cost of a lawyer-led divorce.
Way Forward: How to Start Mediation?
I offer divorce mediation services and can help you with advice on next steps for your specific situation if you're interested but still unsure.
Schedule a free consultation at (224) 544-9990 to discuss specifics personally.
or you can learn more about me and my process at MichaelsMediation.com
Should you wish to meet in person, my office is in Lake Forest. Either way, know that I’m just a call away, ready to help you with your legal and emotional burdens so you can find closure.
Yours and your childrens’ emotional well-being during and after your divorce is my primary responsibility. I commit to doing everything I can to help you and your children have a healthier divorce while helping you keep your marital assets instead of spending them on lawyers.
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