Virtual Divorce Mediation in Chicago, IL

In Illinois you are required to use mediation to create a parenting plan. If you try and are unable, a judge, who knows very little about your family and the needs of your children, will create a parenting plan for you. The judge’s plan will likely not be desired by either parent because it is created quickly and without knowledge of your family. It is in your best interests to work with a divorce mediator to create a parenting plan together that you both desire and that is in the best interest of your family.

You may also use divorce mediation to agree on all other decisions regarding your divorce, including the financial division of your assets, debts and property, the disposition of the marital home, child support, children’s expenses, decision making for the children regarding medical, educational, extracurricular and religious activities, child support, maintenance, transportation to/from parenting time, child care, college decisions and expenses, and more.

You generally have two options to divorce: 1) hire a mediator or 2) hire a lawyer. Both are acceptable paths but it is cheaper and healthier to call a mediator first. Let's review both.

Call A Mediator

Your first call should be to a divorce mediator, who can guide you to make all of your own decisions. The mediator will host joint sessions with you covering all decisions that need to be reached. The mediator is neutral and facilitates discussion between both of you so you can reach your own agreements about every aspect of your children and your finances. At the end of the process your mediator will provide you with a Memorandum Of Understanding which summarizes all agreements reached. You will bring your Memorandum Of Understanding to a lawyer to review and create your formal divorce documents. Your lawyer will present those final documents to the judge, who will also review them before approving your divorce. When you mediate your divorce you usually have only one court appearance to approve your divorce. 

The benefits of hiring a divorce mediator to handle your divorce include the following:

• Mediation is confidential and discussions during mediation cannot be shared later in court.
• Mediation is non-binding; either party can stop the process at any time without being tied to decisions reached to date, and any progress made can be carried forward.
• Mediators generally do not charge a retainer, and because you are hiring one mediator vs. two lawyers, your fees are significantly lower; most mediated divorces can be completed for less than $5,000 total.
• Mediation is a structured process that moves forward on your schedule, when you are available; as such, it is efficient without wasted time.
• Mediation allows and promotes both of you talking to each other during the sessions and between the sessions to come up with the best decisions for yourselves and your family. This ongoing communication is the best way to promote a healthier co-parenting relationship post-divorce, which is the greatest thing you can do for your children.
• Mediation allows you to make all of your decisions together, something that rarely happens when litigating.
• Mediation allows you both to leave your marriage without the baggage that comes from a litigated divorce; as such, you both can move on more quickly and in a healthier manner without the anger and frustration that usually accompanies a litigated divorce.
• Mediation is the least stressful and least expensive option available to you.  It is in fact the best option with the best outcomes at the least cost and the least stress.  

Call A Lawyer

When you hire a lawyer you will each pay a large retainer to engage two separate lawyers and they will each draw from your retainers for everything they do for you, including every conversation you have with them and every email you send to them. You will deplete your retainer and continue to replenish it as your divorce drags on, and you will seemingly spend a significant amount of money before even seeing progress. This can add up to substantial lawyer fees ($10’s - $100’s of thousand dollars combined). You generally speak to your lawyer and your spouse speaks to their lawyer. When in court, the lawyers generally speak to the judge for you. You stop communicating with your spouse and let your paid professionals speak for you.  This dynamic is not at all conducive to an amicable divorce, and because a litigated divorce takes 1-2 years, this dynamic creates a dynamic that is not healthy to either of you, and most importantly, to your children.

Generally, when you hire a lawyer:

• The process becomes very adversarial where each party is trying to win; in the end, both parties feel like they lost.
• You realize how inefficient and costly the legal system is. You will spend enormous amounts of time waiting on schedules, waiting for your case to be heard, waiting in court, and carving time out of your schedule needlessly because of delays. Litigated divorces take 1-2 years of extremely stressful interactions.
• The stress level is very high because you are still married to and parenting with the individual you are fighting in court, and there are countless decisions made along the way that you will not be happy with. This dynamic creates one of the most stressful periods of your life and terribly impacts your children. 
• Most of your decisions will be made by a judge who doesn’t have time to fully understand the unique needs of your family. Often times you will walk away thinking you need to explain it further because the judge doesn’t understand, but you can’t, and it’s frustrating. You just have to live with the judge’s decision.
• It is nearly impossible to effectively co-parent in a healthy way for your children, post-divorce. It’s been said that the way you resolve your divorce is the way you co-parent post-divorce. When you hire a lawyer your relationship usually deteriorates even further which makes it very difficult to co-parent post-divorce in a way that is best for your children. This is an area that is not considered often, but is perhaps the most negative aspect of calling a lawyer. Your children are your most valuable “assets”; when you litigate you are doing them a dis-service and it is likely they will be more negatively affected throughout their lives by your litigated divorce.

Summary:

Because you are required to mediate your parenting plan, and because mediation is cheaper, less-stressful and non-binding, it is in your best interest to hire a mediator before calling a lawyer, and see if you can work together to make all of your own decisions through mediation. Even if you can’t, whichever areas you can agree on can be brought to your lawyers and will reduce their fees for resolving the remaining areas of your divorce. You ought to always start with a divorce mediator and see how far you can use this healthier and cheaper path.

Mediation is the least stressful, cheapest, quickest way to divorce. It allows you to make all of your own decisions (which is more important than you may realize), and most importantly, it sets you both up to be the best co-parents for your most valuable assets, your children.  Even contested divorces can be mediated. 

I offer free assessments and consultations, so please call me at (224) 544-9990 if you have any questions.  I am happy to listen and help you understand your options.